


I Just Wanted to be Ginger

by scifinut



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-08
Updated: 2011-09-08
Packaged: 2017-10-23 12:54:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/250519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scifinut/pseuds/scifinut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In retrospect, Donna thought, it probably wasn't a good idea to go to a planet where the main foodstuff was a slightly modified form of straight glucose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Just Wanted to be Ginger

**Author's Note:**

> I blame it on sugar and the Doctor!muse complaining about not being ginger. Betaed by archae_ology who also provided the artwork found at the end.

In retrospect, Donna thought, it probably wasn't a good idea to go to a planet where the main foodstuff was a slightly modified form of straight glucose. Not that she had known at the time. All she had been told was that it was a fantastic way to avoid the Halloween parties and still get the sugar high. At least there were no additives to make her feel sick, and they had a somewhat passable chocolate substitute, but now the Doctor was on a sugar high. A very dangerous sugar high.

"You know what I've always wanted?" he asked her out of nowhere.

"I have no idea." Donna had several ideas, because this was how he had started five of their last fragmented conversations, but it was a different thing every time. "Ginger hair?"

"A vorpal blade. Great things, vorpal blades. Make my sonic screwdriver look like...well, a sonic screwdriver. But primitive. I mean, not that it is primitive, it's a fantastic piece of work, mind you. Sonic blasters aren't too bad either. Jack has one of those. I really should go see him. Jack, I mean, not the blaster. Although that might be fun too. But Jack would get jealous. He always gets jealous." He looked over at Donna, as though seeing her for the first time. "Your hair...it's red."

Donna managed to raise her eyebrows in surprise instead of annoyance. "You're just figuring that out, spaceman? You commented on it the first time we met! It's always been red, and will always be red. Until I'm grey."

"You should dye it, then. I like your hair as it is. You know what I've always wanted?"

Donna sighed audibly. "What?"

"To have red hair. Be a ginger. I've always wanted to be in the ginger club, but they never even let me into the front room. I mean, it's not even to the front door! Just because my hair's been brown. It's not like it's my fault my hair's not red, you know? Let's go see Jack. I promised him I'd visit, and I haven't. I'd hate to not keep my promises."

She stopped paying attention sometime after the fifth minute, though he kept talking. Finally he stood up and headed toward the controls, setting in a destination. "So, we're going to see Jack, then?"

"Yep. Jack and Ianto. He's Welsh. From what I hear, not a ginger. You'll be the only one there. Doesn't that make you feel special?"

"Oh, I'll sure feel special alright." If special meant babysitting a deranged Time Lord on a sugar high. Maybe Jack could help. She hadn't met him yet, but was certain that it was going to be spectacular when they did.

The TARDIS rematerialized somewhere that Donna recognized as Cardiff when she stepped outside. The giant sign reading "Welcome to Cardiff Bay" kind of gave it away, though. But she would never consider it cheating. "So, where is this Jack, then?"

"Oh," the Doctor answered, turning it into a five syllable word as only he could. "He's around. But he'll be here. He may have lost his detector, but he's still got all the computer power at the Hub. Unless, of course, he's not there anymore. In which case...I don't know where he is. If he's not at the hub, his mobile is likely different, and it's no good calling an old mobile number, is it?"

Donna suddenly felt a bit nervous. "What year have we landed in?"

His face scrunched up a bit in thought before he answered. "2013. Wonderful year. As far as I remember, no major big scary events to destroy everybody, and the Mayan thought is finally dying down, what with the world not ending and all. But he'll be here soon. He's Jack. He's always here soon when I show up. Or when there's trouble around." There was a few seconds pause. "Come to think of it, that's usually the same thing. Maybe we should leave. I'd hate to jinx the only safe year the Earth has. We'll come back next year or something." There was another pause. "Except then we'd have to fight off...wait, can't spoil it for you, can I? Anyway, there's really no GOOD time to see Jack, just finding some time between the really bad times. Ah there he is. Jack! Hello!"

The Doctor stepped forward to embrace a tall broad-shouldered younger man, presumably Jack. He had with him a somewhat younger man, somewhat smaller, but no less lovely. Donna was going to have to make some enquiries here before going back. She stepped forward when they had broken their embrace. "Donna Noble, lovely to meet you."

"Jack Harkness, and the same goes to you, ma'am." He gave her a smile and shook her hand before stepping back again. "And this is Ianto Jones. Ianto, Donna. You remember the Doctor, I believe."

Ianto smiled and shook her hand. He was becoming more familiar with the whole time traveling thing, and if Jack was implying that they hadn't met, then they probably hadn't met before. That she remembered, at least. He was going to have to sit down and think this through pretty carefully, though. Just to make sure he didn't say or do anything stupid, like mention what had happened to her.

Donna smiled back. It was nice to have someone be so polite. "You don't seem to be the type of person the Doctor associates with. You're a bit...quiet."

Ianto grinned at her. "I'm with Jack. He's the one who really knows the Doctor."

"He's not ginger. Jack, why isn't he ginger? I mean, I've got myself a ginger. It took long enough for me to find one that I liked, mind you. Most of them can be pretty loud and too forward. Not that she's exactly quiet, mind you, but-"

"OI! Watch what you're saying, spaceman!" Donna interrupted him. She turned to Jack. "Don't mind him, he's just on a sugar high. Doesn't know what he's saying." She looked over at Ianto. "And I don't think you'd particularly look good as a ginger. No offence, you just look natural how you are."

"Thanks. I think." Ianto was looking a bit confused, trying to figure out if it was a compliment aimed at him or not. "Shall we get inside somewhere warm? The sun's going down, and we'll catch a chill out here. My flat is close." He looked over at Jack, who nodded.

"Let's go. Donna, might I be your escort?" Jack offered his arm to her, and she accepted it without trying to blush too much.

"Hey, she's my ginger. Get your own." The Doctor grabbed Donna's other arm and started bouncing, instead of his usual walk.

Donna shot a pleading glance at Ianto. "It's only a few blocks away." He led them quickly to his flat, feeling for Donna. He'd only met this Doctor a few times, but he knew how strong his personality was. To be trapped with a Doctor who was exceptionally hyper and Jack who was exceptionally flirtatious was not a position he'd ever want to be in. He opened the door as soon as they got there and stepped behind Donna to take her coat. "Would you like anything to drink? Water, wine, tea, or something stronger? I could make some coffee if you'd like."

"Thank you, Ianto. I'd like some tea, I think." She went to take a seat on a chair that nobody else could sit with her in. While Jack was certainly interesting, she wasn't going to jump into bed with him at his boyfriend's flat while the Doctor was on a sugar high. She couldn't possibly leave Ianto to face the Doctor alone.

The Doctor had began wandering around the apartment, oddly quiet. It wasn't like him to be this quiet normally, and when he had hardly stopped for breath in the past half hour, Donna was afraid. "Hmmm...definitely wouldn't work." The Doctor kept inspecting things, but made the one statement.

"What wouldn't work?" Jack asked him, following him around the room, making sure that in his sugar-addled state of mind, he didn't break anything or misplace it. Ianto wouldn't be happy at that.

"I couldn't just make him a ginger. He's not right for it. This place...definitely Welsh. Not a Welsh ginger, either. It wouldn't be right, somehow." He turned and looked at Donna. "Do you like the decor in the TARDIS?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Definitely an odd question. And I've never had a problem with it, once I got over the whole bigger on the inside thing."

He nodded. "I see. Interesting. Nobody else has had a problem with it, either. And none of them are gingers." He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and held it out to Donna's head, ignoring the way she tried to duck away from him. "No trace of chemicals, except what would normally be there. Well....there is a bit of extra Selenium, but that's normal. Not to dangerous levels, and it's from that one place, with the reddish rain. You remember that, Donna? You couldn't figure out why it was red, but it's SELENIUM! That's the answer." He paused, then held the screwdriver to his own head. "I don't know if it'll work like this, though. I mean, I don't think it will, but maybe...Donna, come hold your head against mine."

She stood up and backed away. "Doctor, I think it's time you rested off the rest of the sugar. I'm not putting my head that close to yours when you've got that screwdriver in your hands. I don't quite trust you not to make me go bald, or worse." She backed into the kitchen, trying to find someplace to hide. "Have you got a sedative in here? Something that'll just put him straight out? Please, I'm begging you," she asked Ianto.

He hid a grin. "I've got something that makes Everclear look tame. Tasteless. I'll spike his drink for you, as long as you promise to stick around and help take care of him afterwards."

"I can do that. Not a problem. I just don't want him to make me go bald!" The Doctor came in as she was saying that, and Ianto quickly grabbed a flask from his cabinet and added a few drops into one of the drinks.

"Donna, please. I just want to be a ginger, even for a few minutes! Why can't you let me try this?"

"Here, Doctor," Ianto said as he handed the Doctor the spiked drink, hoping he would down it without thinking. He did. "Good night, Doctor."

"Good night? What do you meeeennnnn?" The Doctor's word slurred as he fell slowly to the ground.

Jack walked in to see the Doctor fall to the floor. He looked curiously at Ianto. "What did you give him? Oh please tell me it wasn't the rotgut. Please, Ianto." His only response was Ianto holding up a mostly empty flask. "Damnit. It's going to be hours before he wakes up now. Even with two hearts, it's going to take a while for that to metabolize that much."

"Well, I didn't exactly have time to calculate and measure. It was kind of spur of the moment." Ianto rolled his eyes at Jack's reaction to the situation.

"Besides," Donna added, "now we can give him something he's always wanted." Two sets of eyes settled on her. "He's always wanted to be a ginger. Is there a chemist's nearby where we can pick up some hair colour for him?" Both sets of eyes blinked in unison. "He is NOT getting any of my hair. This way he gets his ginger and I keep mine."

Ianto looked sideways to Jack, who shrugged. "He has complained about it for a while," Jack said. "And I suppose it's going to be easier to do it without him knowing. But don't we have to lighten it first?"

"We do have hours," Donna said. "Trust me, I've helped my mates do this a ton. To lighten and redden it should only take a few hours, and then we can wash it the first time so it won't run." There would only be the slight problem that he was unconscious and unable to assist them in any way, but that's why there were three of them, wasn't it?

"There is a Boots just down the street," Ianto chimed in. "Let's run down and get what we need, and we'll be back to do it. Jack, can you watch him while we're out?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Can you help me get him somewhere other than the kitchen floor? I'll start getting him dressed for it. And please note that while I think this is a great idea, I'll deny it for eternity to his face."

"I'll take all the credit," Donna said, grabbing a leg while Ianto grabbed an arm. Jack got the other arm and they dragged him awkwardly into the living room, propping him onto the couch. "Besides, if he doesn't like it, we tie him down and give me a chance to go hide in the TARDIS so he can't leave without me." Altogether simple plan. "We'll be back in just a mo', Jack. Don't let him get away from you." Donna gave him a wink over her shoulder as she got her jacket and headed out the door with Ianto.

\---------------------------------

Even before he woke up all the way, his head hurt. Someone had spiked his drink, and with Kanglubrian Hyper-Tonic. Nasty stuff, that. It always left him feeling somewhat fuzzy for a while. What was the point in even having the stuff if you weren't a Kanglubrian, he wondered. It wasn't like any other species in the universe would possibly metabolize it fast enough to just get drunk.

There was another smell in the air too, and his scalp was tingling. Someone had messed with his hair. He sniffed cautiously before trying to open an eye. Not too bright, and nobody seemed to be around, and he still couldn't place the smell. He frowned and opened his other eye, looking around. He was alone in a bedroom. An unfamiliar bedroom. What the hell had he been doing? He peeked underneath the covers. Well, at least there was something, he was still fully clothed. That meant probably nothing he'd regret later. Probably. There was no telling.

He went back and thought through events. He remembered dinner with Donna...oh, right. Sugar-drunk. In some of his previous bodies he handled sugar much better than he did in this one. Something about already acting hyper or something? At least that explained why his memory was fuzzy. They came to Cardiff, he had promised to see Jack. And then...there was something about wanting Donna's hair? Oh no. That couldn't have ended well. Seeing as he had been led to drink, it probably didn't.

Carefully working his way out from under the covers, he looked around. The doorknob was turning, and he sat up and looked at whoever was coming into the room.

"Good morning, Doctor!" Donna greeted him cheerfully. "Feeling a bit better, are we?" She gave him a large smile and fought back a bit of giggling. "Ianto's made some coffee for you, if you'd like some."

The Doctor was suspicious of her cheer. "And if I don't?"

"Then don't have some. It won't bother me. Jack's run out to get something for breakfast, but he'll be back soon." She came to sit on the side of the bed with him. "Sorry about having your drink spiked last night, but I kind of like my hair how it is. You're not allowed to have it."

His brow furrowed a bit. "That's...fine? Donna, I honestly don't remember much after we showed up in Cardiff last night." He shook his head as he tried to think. "Next time I suggest a dinner of sugar, shoot me. Please. Not fatal, mind you, but still...I don't want to do that again. Ever."

Donna grinned again at him. "That's fine." She offered her hand to him. "So, still mates? Things are okay between us?"

The Doctor took her hand and squeezed it. "Things are fine between us, Donna."

"Good, 'cause there's one tiny bit I left out." She pulled her hand away and backed to the door, keeping her eye on him and a grin on her face. "You've got to come see it."

"You haven't redecorated the TARDIS, have you?" He was suddenly very afraid for his ship. "Please tell me you didn't redecorate her."

Donna rolled her eyes. "No, I didn't touch your TARDIS. Come see, though. You'll like it."

He didn't quite trust the look in her eyes, and the smell was somewhat worrying. "Why do I have the feeling I shouldn't be trusting you right now?"

Donna's head cocked to the side. "Because you tried to take my hair last night? Look, you're alive, you're fine, your ship is fine, and you really need to see this, okay? Check all your limbs, 'cause I didn't hurt them. Now come on, spaceman, I don't want to miss breakfast because you're slow!" Her hands went to her hips and an eyebrow raised. "Are you coming?"

The Doctor knew when he was beaten. He stood up and followed Donna to...the washroom? "Are you sure-"

"Get in there," she interrupted, shoving him at the door and closing it behind him. "The light switch is on the right."

This was new. He turned on the lights and was shocked at what he saw. "I...I'm....WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR?!"


End file.
